Human nature stinks...and once again I'm painfully aware of just how much I tend to revert to old tendencies..
I'd like to say, that by now, I've learned the lesson of trusting God's timing...I'd like to say I never pick up what God's called me to lay down...I'd like to say that I trust Him for everything and that I never struggle with trying to figure out how "I" am going to "make" God's promises come to be...
Unfortunately, all too often, and yes, even at this past writer's conference, the ugly truth of my "fleshly" tendencies arose again.
After the three publishers of my dreams said that they loved my proposal I felt elated, empowered, and full of faith...Thank You God. I felt like doing the dance...jumping high...and twirling around in circles laughing.
BUT...my faith and confidence quickly wavered, cowering to self-pity and doubt when a different publisher said that I was an excellent writer but just didn't have a large enough platform...(that's the writer verbage meaning I don't have a wide enough audience to sell enough books).
I walked away from the rejection wanting to praise God for closing a door; I wanted to be full of faith, instead the most I could muster up was the courage not to cry. How SILLY! Had I really picked up ownership to my life again? I know I'm going to sound a little high maintenance; how could I go from such a high to such a low? How could I go from feeling like "YES, I'm going to get a book contract" to "I'm never going to be good enough?" All I can say is these events are emotionally and physically draining...So,I retreated to my room...had a good cry...and after a little time, I humbly gave my life and dreams back to God, knowing that He can manage my life so much better than I can. I confessed my desire to control situations and asked God to take the burden off my shoulders (and if need be to pry my fingers from it). I felt amazing faith once again rise in my heart as I remembered WHO it is I serve.
My faith no longer resting in who I know, or what I can do...but in WHO I SERVE.
Does that mean I'll get a book deal and everything will work out exactly how I think??? I wish...but more accurately it means God is in control and I'm going to surrender to Him and trust Him to direct me and fill me with His presence. I'm going to be faithful where I am found. I'm going to rest in His power and every time I realize I've made it about me or realize I'm trying to manipulate or control situations...I'm going to lay it back down. :)
So, what's your tendency? What burden do you find yourself picking up time and time again? What weight or responsibility have you made your own?
Hand it back over to God. He is faithful and fully capable to do what seems impossible. AND He cares! You are not alone! Your kids, your dreams, your ambitions, your finances...everything and anything that seems out of control...give it to God. And the peace, which surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.
So my life lesson from this past weekend is a lesson God has taught me time and time again...Here it is:
When God gives us a promise, He's already seen it as though it is. We can't miss it...and as long as we continue to follow Him...we CAN'T mess it up!
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your steps!"
As a side note...Thank you for your prayers...honestly it could NOT have went any better. I'll let you know what doors God OPENS! I have three major publishing companies looking at my manuscript...Pray if it's God's will at least one of them will want to publish it. Either way...I count it a privilege to be surrounded by such amazing people like you! Thank you for your encouragement.
Prayer: Father, forgive us for pride, ego, fear, selfishness, or any other thing that runs independent of you. We want desperately to please you. Fill us with Your power. Let us reflect Who You are! Thank you God for Your mercy. Thank You for Your forgiveness. Thank You for teaching us time and time again to release all our cares to You because You care for us.